Anonymous asked: This isn't a question, but I wanted you to know, whoever you are, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here, I deal with a lot of the same problems you deal with and I feel we may have a lot in common. Anyways, like I said, if you ever need someone, I'm here.
This may sound rude, but it’s not that reassuring to tell someone they can talk to you whenever but do it on anon. Kind of hard to know who is offering to help.
It’s nice to have anons leave messages of hope and comfort. But if you want to initiate some sort of conversation, you should come off anon and then we can chat :). I’m open to make new friends and I shall try not to scare you away like I have everyone else.
I should just accept it. I’ve always been lonely and that’s how it’s always going to be. Why would things suddenly change after a pattern of 24 years?
In third grade I asked my mom to write notes for me so I could stay inside during recess instead of being alone outside.
In sixth grade, I was actually kicked out of my group of friends.
By eighth grade, I had a group of friends. Then they split the lunches and I was the only one with early lunch.
By sophomore year, my older brother was cool and let me hang with him and his friends. Sadly they were seniors and graduated that year.
Junior year, I was alone until I was cast in the play they were doing. I met two very weird friends, but they were fun. The one I even hung out with outside of school. Sadly they were seniors.
I didn’t make friends my senior year. In a small town cliques were well established and no one would let me in. Nobody hated me, but no one cared enough for me to do that. My only friends in high school were online friends.
Then college came. It was a new start. I wasn’t surrounded by people who already had formed an opinion of me. I met a great friend. I finally had someone who was my friend and still wanted to be around me after four years. Our group varied in size. People came and went, much like they had my entire life, but one friend stayed.
Then we graduated. She had to move back home, which was across the country.
Right before I’d graduated, I moved in with another friend. Now we rarely talk, despite the fact we still share an apartment. A rather small apartment I might add.
Now I’m completely alone. I’ve even managed to lose my online friends. All of them except one, who’s computer is currently broken. I have one other tumblr friend who’s busy with finals and cant really chat much. Maybe that’s just the universe reminding me how things are supposed to be for me.
In addition to losing all friends, I have also lost my religion, the only thing I’ve been taught my whole life could support me through anything. You can only feel nothing for so long before reaching the only conclusion that makes sense: maybe it’s just not true. I held on for a long time wondering what the hell I was doing wrong because The Lord is perfect and I am not and if my prayers weren’t being answered it was my fault.
Again, maybe this is how it’s supposed to be. In which case, this is not the god I want to serve, that would inflict so much pointless and meaningless pain on his children and then expect thanks at the end of the day.
Pretty sure this was tl;dr for most of you. Not like anyone reading this cares when I post personal crap. But I did.